The most common reason a middle name exists, and the most common source of family friction.

Why the middle name is the right place

It honours without conscripting. The child is not called Doris every day; they carry Doris. That is the entire genius of the middle-name slot, and it has kept peace in families for two hundred years.

You do not have to use the exact name

An honour name can be the initial, a modernised form, a translation, the meaning, or the person's own surname. Margaret becomes Margot, Maisie or Pearl. Wilhelmina becomes Willa or Mina. The person being honoured almost always understands, and the child gets a name they can live with.

The fairness problem

Four grandparents, one middle name. Whatever you decide, someone counts. Two middle names, one from each side, is the common solution. Alternating across children is another. Deciding by who you liked best is a decision you will be explaining at Christmas for a decade.

Tell them yourself

Before anyone else does, and before the birth if you can. The honour is in the telling as much as the name.

Questions parents ask

Should you tell a grandparent you are using their name?

Yes, and tell them yourself rather than letting them hear it from someone else. The gesture is most of the gift.

Can you honour someone without using their exact name?

Yes. A shared initial, a modernised version, a translation of the meaning, or the person's surname used as a middle name all honour someone clearly without giving the child a name they may struggle with.